The Jessica Journals:

March 19, 2005: It Might Be Easier To Simply Ask Her (but not nearly as much fun as guessing)

My Friends and Readers, like everyone who contributes to the blogosphere, I enjoy receiving feedback on what I post. It should therefore come as no surprise that following the posting of my last journal entry, I was browsing through the comments I received on Xanga. As I did so, one comment in particular stood out.

Is my hair too perfect?

You went the entire length of the post without mentioning the name David Duchovny. Is your sister aware Mulder is not an actual person? Or perhaps she thinks the show is a documentary.

Also, what's the name of the guy who plays Drudge on that weird radio show of his?

Posted 3/19/2005 at 4:59 PM by fingerlessgloves

Mr. Gloves raises an interesting point, a point which I have spent an entire ten seconds pondering. Although I have not reach any definitive conclusion, I think there are several possibilities.

  1. Rebekah does indeed realize Mulder is a fictional character and simply doesn’t care.

    If this is the case, I can only be glad she’s not obsessing over Captain Jack Sparrow.

  2. The X-Files is a documentary.

    If this is the case, Rebekah is entirely justified in fixating on the sexiest man in the F.B.I. However, of all the possible conclusions one could reach, I think this is the least likely, if only because a documentary focusing on the U.S. government’s covert dealings with extra-terrestrials would probably feature more frequent appearances by John Kerry.

    The sexiest hair in the galaxy

    Do I look too much like Steven Spielberg?

  3. Rebekah doesn’t have a crush on Mulder at all but instead is pretending she does in an effort to hide her burning passion for the world’s greatest hand model, J.P. Prewitt.

    I suppose the big question would be, “Why?”

  4. Rebekah was abducted by aliens who implanted a microchip in her brain which sends out an electromagnetic pulse that prevents her from discerning between fiction and reality.

    If this is the case, then I should probably contact Special Agent Fox Mulder of the F.B.I. and see if he can somehow end the madness.

As far as the second of Mr. Gloves’ two questions goes, I should have thought the answer was obvious.

Sean Hannity provides the voice of Drudge.


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Copyright 2005 Jessica Menn